Depression sucks.

That is not original. Or anything new. In fact, it’s obvious if you have struggled with depression or are close to someone who has.

I have done both. And actually both suck.

Dealing with depression is like wearing a heavy cloak all the time. It drains your energy. It weighs you down. It covers everything with a darkness you cannot shake.

Add to that the guilt of how it affects your family, your job, everything you care about and it gets even heavier.

“Depression is depressing to be around,” says Dr. Muller,as supported here accurately. The guilt of exposing family and friends makes it worse.

This should be a fun blog to read, I can hear you say.

Especially during tax season. And in the bleak month of February.

Trust me, I know.

So I am taking steps. I am speaking with a counselor. I am taking drugs. Despite my resistance to medication. I had taken #prozac for postpartum depression a few years ago. When this one hit, I spoke to my doctor about going back on it.

I resisted for a while.

Sometimes, I think we need to look at the causes of our maladies, not just the symptoms. If I get diabetes from poor eating habits, shouldn’t I first learn to eat correctly rather than inject insulin? I would rather try healthy grieving after a loss than pop an anti-depressant.

That being said, I cannot handle this simple transition and marital discord that has resulted. I could not function. We moved for my spouse’s job and when we settled into a school for our child and community, the CEO of his company was let go. He was not only disappointed; he was angry.

It seemed to me he found it acceptable to come home and “kick the dog,” or rant and rage at me. When I told him I could not handle his constant anger, he said he was only venting his frustration. Our realities differed.  Greatly.

I found a counselor at the request of caring friends.

This is the beginning of my relationship with #zoloft. So far, nothing. I do not want to get out of bed. But I am taking it every night as suggested by my care-giver.

Let the party begin.

 

 

 

 

 

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